I am also looking into getting one of those fancy locking mailboxes because of the fools who love to drive around neighborhoods, during the day mind you, and steal people’s mail. I guess they want to make sure our state stays at the top the the identity theft list. I won’t drive 2 feet down the road without my car doors locked because the rate of carjacking is so high.

And before anyone decides that this is just my paranoia kicking up again, I can say with absolute certainty that it’s not. I watch the local news and read the local papers where stories of all the home invasions, murders, rapes, assaults, vandalism, carjackings, etc are prominent on almost a daily basis. I drive around this town and see more houses with alarms and grates on the windows and doors than not. Hell, it’s even in my own neighborhood. The cars on either side of me were broken into, and across the street not only had one of their cars broken into but another car parked in front of their house was tipped over onto it’s roof! I guess the only reason my car hasn’t been bothered is because I use my garage as a garage, not a storage shed. And let’s not forget all of the gang markings all over the place. And up in the north end of town (the self proclaimed upper class area - they insist on having their own name) someone was going around in the middle of the night setting fire to cars parked in driveways. Constant drug related shootings and such. The crime is rampant in this shithole of a town I’m currently stuck in and I’m scared to death.

So thanks to all the bleeding heart liberals and all the people who are soft on crime, this is our world now and I fear it’s only going to get worse. God help us all.

So after I got out of work yesterday I had to run down to the reservation (about 5 miles PAST my house) for cigarettes for me and mom and I also had to go to the store for a few things including milk. At about 10:30 am my cell phone rang and it was my sister leaving a voice mail that she was going down to the house and would stop and get us milk thus saving me a trip after work. Now this is a nice gesture in itself and to be fair she at that time was not aware of the other things I needed to get so that meant I STILL had to do all the other running around. Okay fine…whatever.

Then about noon my phone rings again and as I was on a break and saw the call was again from my sister’s cell I answered it thinking that mom had told her about the other things I needed and that they were going to go out (instead of just sitting around the house) and get them for me, something I truly would have appreciated. But in reality’s cruel way it was just mom calling to tell me that after my sister got there she remembered the rest of the list and she was sorry that I still had to run errands and by the way could I add a few things to the list I already had?

The upshot is this…would it have killed my sister to say to mom that they would go and run the errands since neither one of them does anything all day anyway. No it wouldn’t have but still she didn’t want to put herself out, and mom didn’t feel comfortable asking her. That’s a fucking pathetic situation. It would have taken them no time at all whereas I (after working all day) have to fight the afternoon traffic and all the other people who are shopping after work. And I would have been thrilled.

Anyway, that’s it. I just have to hold on to my dream future where I can leave all people behind and just think about myself.

My ultimate plan would be to come up with themes of my own completely from scratch, but for now all I’m capable of doing is modified someone else’s themes. So for now I need to content myself with that. Hopefully someday when my “Plans for Financial and Personal Freedom” come to fruition I’ll be able to devote the time required to learn all I need to know about theme making.

My home in the past (when I was young it was my bedroom) was always an extension of me. A comfortably eclectic mix of furniture and decor that enveloped and welcomed me every time I walked in the door. Then when my mother moved in, my “style” was relegated to boxes in the basement in favor of what made her comfortable and happy. Then there is the issue of non-material things…my sense of self was also banished. I can no longer be myself there, I have to continue the “make everyone else happy” persona that I had to create for the outside world inside now. The pressure is building and the cracks are beginning to show in a big way. And I feel powerless to stop it.

And at the risk of sounding like a drama queen, the thoughts of just quitting life are overtaking me again and the strength required to fight it just isn’t there anymore. And the people that should care don’t.

And the town…a few changes but still basically the same. Simply lovely. Small and quiet. Being there reinforced the hatred I have for where I currently am. My homesickness is more than ever now. I will go back for good someday.

I didn’t get as many pictures as I wanted though, I suck at remembering to have the camera at hand. I’ve got a few that I’ll see about putting up soon.

I know I have lots more to say but am still overwhelmed that I can’t find the words. But it was GREAT to be there.

The house I’m staying at doesn’t have internet (HORRORS!!!!!!) so I’ll have to use dialup (EVEN MORE HORRORS!!!) so my internet time will be at a minimum unless during one of my planned outings I can find a wifi hotspot somewhere.

See ya in a week!

So I am slowly getting the Twisted Visions Gallery back up to it’s former glory. Bear with me as I try to fit this in among the other stuff that’s taking up my time.