Mom and I were talking the other day and I was VERY pleased to hear that she has finally and for real accepted the truth of our situation here in the desert hellhole we are stuck in. She admitted that she knows that not only are we hopelessly out of place here but that we are not really wanted here. I’ve known for a while why we were “asked” to move out here and the selfishness of the reasons was heartbreaking but now Mom gets it. We are here for someone else’s convenience…because it made things easier for someone, certainly not for me as things are worse for me here than they were back home.
X Marks The Spot
Back home I was losing it fast but at least there was family support. I know I could count on my mother’s sisters to be there if needed whereas out here I don’t believe I can count on mine to be there, as least not in a way that I would need. I realize that she has a right to her own life but sometimes family obligations DO need to be met whether we like it or not. But I guess that’s water under the bridge now since I don’t think I even care anymore. I’ve accepted that I’m on my own with things and will deal as best I can but it will be the proverbial “last nail in my coffin”. With the way I now feel it’s as if I’ve already died and just need to allow my body to lie down which, if things continue the way they are, will be very soon. That’s a promise.
Anyway back to the original point of the post…Mom knows we need to go home and we have been discussing it. With her though it’ll be a drawn out drama filled thing but it’s become reality and for me that’s a positive thing.
