*How can I possibly deal with someone else’s paranoia when I haven’t even conquered my own?
*How can I accept and live peacefully with the fact that my life is controlled by the opinions of outside people? And why are the opinions of these people more important than me?
*How come, in my every thought and deed, I’m always wrong?
*How can I play the game successfully if no one will tell me what the rules are?
If there are any answers to these questions I would love to hear them. Knowing would make my life easier. It’s getting harder and harder these days to keep my promise of not ending me just yet. I seem to fuck up even when I’m just quietly going about my life in my own home. Can you imagine how stupid I am because I opened the windows for some fresh air and didn’t make my bed first? I mean of course the people next door are going to be hanging out in their house looking through the windows into mine because after all we are that important. Of course everyone in the world is going to go out of their way to do things to us and such just because we are who we are. NOT. Unless you are the narcissistic paranoid that is my mother. But since she believes these things are true then they have to be to me or I get reminded of how stupid I am.
I know this entry doesn’t really make any sense but you don’t live here. Be glad of that.
