I manage. I get through the days and I don’t really know how. I have to put on a good show so everyone around me feels comfortable. If I do slip they are quick to point out all my faults. So yeah, I manage. But I gotta tell ya, it’s exhausting.
I’m usually not too bad when I get up in the morning and I’m all alone, then the day moves on and it gets harder to concentrate and to “be”. To be coherent, to be responsive, to be normal and acceptable. Of course I think a lot of that has to do with having to interact with them all day long. Sometimes being around outside people is just so incredibly horrifyingly overwhelming. Too much going on at once and I just can’t take it all in. It all seems to pile inside me and whirlpool around. Sometimes it’s so hard to even breathe. And it hurts. I literally feel like I want to jump out of my skin. But no one knows this because I don’t let them.
I manage.
