I am no longer allowed to express any emotion anywhere.

I haven’t been allowed to at work for awhile now, because some of the dumbass pussy cunts that work here get offended. They’re sensitive I’m told. Well FUCK THEM!!!!! Guess what? I’m sensitive too. Does that count for anything? No. Okay, rules understood and will be followed. But trust me on one thing, this will come back and bite them in the ass. That’s a promise.

Now last night I come to find out, after a 2 hour lecture about how everything that happens is my fault, that I really have to learn to control any outbursts that I have at home because it makes Mom uncomfortable. Okay then, make sure everyone else feels safe and happy. I’ll just slowly die inside. No problem.

Home to me used to be the safe place. The good place. I could just let go and be me there. Then Mom moved in and I no longer had it to myself. But slowly over the time that she’s been there, most traces of me have disappeared. It doesn’t even look like my house anymore. Alright, so I accepted the fact that I couldn’t have much of my stuff around. But now I can’t even express when I’m upset or hurt or anything. I just have to go along with whatever I guess. When she puts me down I should just nod and agree. I have no one I can talk to. If I do try to talk to Mom about things it always turns around to how the situation is my fault. I wish for once she could show me some empathy, whether she means it or not. She seems to have it for everyone else. Why not me? Am I really that bad of a person? I guess maybe I am.

Ah fuck, what am I whining for. It really doesn’t matter, and I’ve gotten the message loud and clear that I certainly don’t matter. So just shut up and finally let go. What am I really hanging on for? Can anyone tell me?