Muted Lunacy

I’m suffocating and really can’t take much more. I’m doing my best to hold on but I’m having a really hard time. The constant sense of “bad” has gotten to be all comsuming. There is no outlet for it anymore and the resulting overload is taking it’s toll. I need some time to break and I’m obviously not going to get it. Otherwise the inevitable downfall will be irreversible I think. Hell the damage already done can’t be undone anymore. I used to want my life back so I could be and maybe enjoy some things again. Now I just want it back so I can be left completely alone. Maybe then the terrible feelings inside can be laid to rest some.

And panic attacks? Try having one and NOT letting anyone know about it, NOT letting it show. Quite the feat I assure you. I’m actually proud of myself for pulling it off though. I deserve an Oscar for it. Or at least a nomination.

“I’ll be there for you as long as it works for me.” Fuck you Trent for writing that line and forcing me to admit a very painful truth.