Well that crap was bad enough but I also got dinged for my quality being slightly lower that it should but no mention of the fact that I talked to them about that exact issue a few times saying it was because of all the bullshit going on around me. The fact that since I’ve been moved to a different seat my quality is back up above where it should be apparently holds no weight. The final result is that my raise was a paltry sum although according to them it’s not bad considering their high end of raises (for the UNbeautiful people that is) is insulting in itself.

It just angers me that the only thing I ever had which was my work reputation, is gone. I have nothing anymore. Well maybe that’s good because if you have nothing then you lose nothing when the whole fucking show is over. Makes the end easier, no?

I am also looking into getting one of those fancy locking mailboxes because of the fools who love to drive around neighborhoods, during the day mind you, and steal people’s mail. I guess they want to make sure our state stays at the top the the identity theft list. I won’t drive 2 feet down the road without my car doors locked because the rate of carjacking is so high.

And before anyone decides that this is just my paranoia kicking up again, I can say with absolute certainty that it’s not. I watch the local news and read the local papers where stories of all the home invasions, murders, rapes, assaults, vandalism, carjackings, etc are prominent on almost a daily basis. I drive around this town and see more houses with alarms and grates on the windows and doors than not. Hell, it’s even in my own neighborhood. The cars on either side of me were broken into, and across the street not only had one of their cars broken into but another car parked in front of their house was tipped over onto it’s roof! I guess the only reason my car hasn’t been bothered is because I use my garage as a garage, not a storage shed. And let’s not forget all of the gang markings all over the place. And up in the north end of town (the self proclaimed upper class area – they insist on having their own name) someone was going around in the middle of the night setting fire to cars parked in driveways. Constant drug related shootings and such. The crime is rampant in this shithole of a town I’m currently stuck in and I’m scared to death.

So thanks to all the bleeding heart liberals and all the people who are soft on crime, this is our world now and I fear it’s only going to get worse. God help us all.

The short version is that I was in my car before work freaking out and trying to blow off some steam before going in for the day. Someone pulled up behind me, leaving their lights on and shining into my mirror and my face. As I was already screaming about my latest drama I (after several minutes of being blinded) turned around and looked. Almost immediately the lights went off but the person stayed in their car for a while. When they finally got out I noticed it was a lead from my department. When she walked through the gate I noticed she specifically looked down the lot towards my car. Right away the panic set in that she heard me and will now go report me and I’ll get hauled in to HR again, possibly getting written up again this time. I went upstairs to start my work but couldn’t stop the tears and the panic. I asked my supervisor to make an appointment for me with the same HR lady I talked to last time.

So I went at the appointed time and explained the situation to her. I told her quite a bit of how things are lately, such as how I no longer will even look at or speak to anyone for fear of inadvertently offending them. I am constantly in fear of something happening. She seemed distressed at this FOR me, not at me and I take this as a good sign. After our talk she took me to a private room so I could calm myself down and told me to take as much time as I needed and to take a break if I needed and not worry about my idle time or production as she would talk to my supervisor and smooth things over. So an hour and 15 minutes and 2 cigarettes later I went back to work, still on the verge of tears but feeling a little better inside knowing that my head wasn’t on the chopping block. I still need to watch myself though and it scares me that my control has slipped yet again.

I guess that wasn’t such a short version. Oh well, sorry. As it’s Friday, I’m off for another day. Hopefully the thoughts of a 3 day weekend will help to keep me calm.

This incident occurred at the gate as we were leaving for the day. Some girl (I think I know who she is) went to the HR manager lady and complained that one day while trying to exit the gate her car stalled and I was behind her gesturing and “saying bad things” (apparently she could read my lips – yeah right!) and the upshot was that she was very scared (GOOD!!!!!). She thought I was upset because her car stalled so I calmly explained to the Hr manager lady and my department head that I was upset about the fact that before she could get to the gate and stall out her car, she had come flying out of a side aisle without looking almost hitting me (I love how she didn’t tell them THAT part). THAT was what I was upset about, not that her car stalled.

So I have to ask again…what is with this “running and tattling to mommy and daddy” mentality we seem to have cultivated in our society these days. When I was a kid you were taught to fight your own battles. And haven’t any of these people today ever heard of the old “Sticks and Stones” saying? I know some think that I’m doing the same whining here and I am, but the difference is that here I’m not fucking with someone’s life. I’m not going to cause someone to lose their job because I think I’m all that and should be treated with kid gloves.

Anyway, we had pretty much the same talk as before…me explaining that there is too much stress in my life right now between home and work. Of course my department head tried to convince me that all this mandatory overtime (yes, 6 hours again this coming Saturday) was actually part of the job. No I beg to differ. My job is full time and according to the agreement I signed when I took the job that entails 40 hours a week, 8 hours a day Monday thru Friday. Period.

The upside here was that I was not put on corrective action this time, apparently I’m an excellent employee in every other respect, but it was STRONGLY suggested that I call the behavioral health hotline and get myself straightened out. And I actually agree with this. I know I need help and I want it. So that’s what I’m going to have to do. I’ll keep you informed.

And I had good news regarding the car. All I needed to have done was to replace the air filter, do an oil change and the front brakes, everything else was good. Now this is a big deal because the last time the car was in for service (besides new tires a couple years ago) was back in New Jersey to have it looked at before making the drive out here to Hell. And then they didn’t need to do anything to it. So I lucked out with my little car, in the almost 7 years that I’ve owned it this is the first time it needed anything. I think it’s a keeper!

So then today, to reward my lovely little car, I vacuumed it out real good and washed all it’s windows both inside and out. All it really needs now to have undergone a complete beauty treatment would be to get washed. But that’s just a bit too much for me right now.

(This is an old picture from several years ago, I haven’t taken any recently)