So yeah, today was my annual review at work and I’m not sure it’s worth it. What they do is they take you into a room, give you your review paperwork and leave you alone for a few minutes to read it through. Now first off them taking me into a room, in light of recent past events, is a scary proposition for me. But anyway, I start reading the review and get to the part about…can’t remember the exact wording but something to the effect of considering other workers feelings and shit. Of course I got bad marks there and the thing that was supposed to be completely over & forgotten and never referred to again was mentioned in my review. Twice. So much for letting bygones be bygones and me having a clean slate.

Well that crap was bad enough but I also got dinged for my quality being slightly lower that it should but no mention of the fact that I talked to them about that exact issue a few times saying it was because of all the bullshit going on around me. The fact that since I’ve been moved to a different seat my quality is back up above where it should be apparently holds no weight. The final result is that my raise was a paltry sum although according to them it’s not bad considering their high end of raises (for the UNbeautiful people that is) is insulting in itself.

It just angers me that the only thing I ever had which was my work reputation, is gone. I have nothing anymore. Well maybe that’s good because if you have nothing then you lose nothing when the whole fucking show is over. Makes the end easier, no?

Wednesday July 9, 2008 – 3:04pm – 3:49pm = 45 minutes.

Especially when it’s done by family. Okay so the “whine du jour” happened yesterday, bear with me as I’m sure most will think it’s petty but to me it’s just another thing on top of all the others. Another hint that my sister does not get it.

So after I got out of work yesterday I had to run down to the reservation (about 5 miles PAST my house) for cigarettes for me and mom and I also had to go to the store for a few things including milk. At about 10:30 am my cell phone rang and it was my sister leaving a voice mail that she was going down to the house and would stop and get us milk thus saving me a trip after work. Now this is a nice gesture in itself and to be fair she at that time was not aware of the other things I needed to get so that meant I STILL had to do all the other running around. Okay fine…whatever.

Then about noon my phone rings again and as I was on a break and saw the call was again from my sister’s cell I answered it thinking that mom had told her about the other things I needed and that they were going to go out (instead of just sitting around the house) and get them for me, something I truly would have appreciated. But in reality’s cruel way it was just mom calling to tell me that after my sister got there she remembered the rest of the list and she was sorry that I still had to run errands and by the way could I add a few things to the list I already had?

The upshot is this…would it have killed my sister to say to mom that they would go and run the errands since neither one of them does anything all day anyway. No it wouldn’t have but still she didn’t want to put herself out, and mom didn’t feel comfortable asking her. That’s a fucking pathetic situation. It would have taken them no time at all whereas I (after working all day) have to fight the afternoon traffic and all the other people who are shopping after work. And I would have been thrilled.

Anyway, that’s it. I just have to hold on to my dream future where I can leave all people behind and just think about myself.