As I mentioned last month, I’m taking a trip back east. Well today is the day! In a few hours I’ll be on a plane dodging thunderstorms all across the country. A check of the weather back there tells me that I’m going from 100+ temps and low humidity to high 90′s, high humidity and RAIN RAIN RAIN…and I can’t wait. I’ve got the laptop and the ipod all charged up and ready to go. And the camera so hopefully I’ll have lots of pictures to show when I get back.

The house I’m staying at doesn’t have internet (HORRORS!!!!!!) so I’ll have to use dialup (EVEN MORE HORRORS!!!) so my internet time will be at a minimum unless during one of my planned outings I can find a wifi hotspot somewhere.

See ya in a week!

So yeah, I had another breakdown at work yesterday and this one was a little bit more public. My paranoia level is through the roof, especially at work since I’ve been called in twice (actually 3 times – the first was a private “heads up” talk with my former supervisor) about people complaining about me.

The short version is that I was in my car before work freaking out and trying to blow off some steam before going in for the day. Someone pulled up behind me, leaving their lights on and shining into my mirror and my face. As I was already screaming about my latest drama I (after several minutes of being blinded) turned around and looked. Almost immediately the lights went off but the person stayed in their car for a while. When they finally got out I noticed it was a lead from my department. When she walked through the gate I noticed she specifically looked down the lot towards my car. Right away the panic set in that she heard me and will now go report me and I’ll get hauled in to HR again, possibly getting written up again this time. I went upstairs to start my work but couldn’t stop the tears and the panic. I asked my supervisor to make an appointment for me with the same HR lady I talked to last time.

So I went at the appointed time and explained the situation to her. I told her quite a bit of how things are lately, such as how I no longer will even look at or speak to anyone for fear of inadvertently offending them. I am constantly in fear of something happening. She seemed distressed at this FOR me, not at me and I take this as a good sign. After our talk she took me to a private room so I could calm myself down and told me to take as much time as I needed and to take a break if I needed and not worry about my idle time or production as she would talk to my supervisor and smooth things over. So an hour and 15 minutes and 2 cigarettes later I went back to work, still on the verge of tears but feeling a little better inside knowing that my head wasn’t on the chopping block. I still need to watch myself though and it scares me that my control has slipped yet again.

I guess that wasn’t such a short version. Oh well, sorry. As it’s Friday, I’m off for another day. Hopefully the thoughts of a 3 day weekend will help to keep me calm.

For the second month in a row I caught a break. My sister decided to take Mom to bingo on Mother’s Day, which being a Sunday gave me a whole 5 hours to myself. And what did I do with it? Not much…as soon as they left I found myself back in my bed where I stayed until just before they came home. Oh well, I haven’t been able to do that in almost 7 years so it was good.

Sunday May 11, 2008 – 11:01am – 4:03pm = 5 hours and 2 minutes.