So last Friday when I left for work I noticed 3 police cars and a couple unmarked cars at a house across the street and a couple doors down from me. Their garage door was open and there were several people standing around in the driveway. Thinking it was probably a break in or more vandalism I just went ahead to work more than a little concerned about the shithole I live in.

Later that morning my mother called to give me the scoop. She was talking to another of our neighbors who apparently had gone over to find out what was going on. He said that the police raided the house and found a huge stash of guns. I don’t know if they found anything else since the cops weren’t telling him much (which sucks as I think we have a right to know what we’re living with). God only knows what else was going on in that house, especially considering the area of the country we’re in. While he was there he saw the Crime Scene folks taking pictures and doing their thing. As a corrections officer he pretty much knew what he was seeing and he said there were all kinds of automatic weapons and assault rifles in the pile. He was worried which of course worries me.

Of course there was nothing in the paper about this since we’re not the upper class areas. It really pisses me off that this shit goes on. It pisses me off that my mother and I and our neighbors don’t feel safe in our own homes. But what can you do when our government doesn’t seem to believe in protecting law abiding citizens.

As I was going through my “before bed” routine last night I realized that I’m living in a state of fear brought about in a big way by our current society. My “before bed” routine consists of making sure all the windows and doors (including the heavy duty security door) are locked up tight. I have to put a screwdriver in the track of my garage door because we have these fun-loving folks that get kicks out of driving around and using their garage door openers to open every door they can. I turn on the outside lights because out here in the desert we apparently do not believe in street lights. The last thing I do is the set the alarm system thus ensuring that I am indeed a prisoner in my own home.

I am also looking into getting one of those fancy locking mailboxes because of the fools who love to drive around neighborhoods, during the day mind you, and steal people’s mail. I guess they want to make sure our state stays at the top the the identity theft list. I won’t drive 2 feet down the road without my car doors locked because the rate of carjacking is so high.

And before anyone decides that this is just my paranoia kicking up again, I can say with absolute certainty that it’s not. I watch the local news and read the local papers where stories of all the home invasions, murders, rapes, assaults, vandalism, carjackings, etc are prominent on almost a daily basis. I drive around this town and see more houses with alarms and grates on the windows and doors than not. Hell, it’s even in my own neighborhood. The cars on either side of me were broken into, and across the street not only had one of their cars broken into but another car parked in front of their house was tipped over onto it’s roof! I guess the only reason my car hasn’t been bothered is because I use my garage as a garage, not a storage shed. And let’s not forget all of the gang markings all over the place. And up in the north end of town (the self proclaimed upper class area – they insist on having their own name) someone was going around in the middle of the night setting fire to cars parked in driveways. Constant drug related shootings and such. The crime is rampant in this shithole of a town I’m currently stuck in and I’m scared to death.

So thanks to all the bleeding heart liberals and all the people who are soft on crime, this is our world now and I fear it’s only going to get worse. God help us all.

What has our society become? It’s become downright scary, that’s what. We are all now so self-absorbed with an inflated sense of our own individual importance that we’ve abandoned basic human consideration and respect. We see something we want and we take it with no thought to how it may affect someone else. Even me, the queen of the misanthropes will give you courtesy and respect until you prove you don’t deserve it which usually only takes about 30 seconds. The other day I was driving home from work and stopped to let a car out onto the road. The person didn’t even bother to give me a second glance never mind raise a hand briefly in thanks and that has had me thinking about it all. The younger generation hasn’t been taught basic manners. They’ve been made to feel that they are God’s gift to the world and everyone should be honored to be allowed in their presence. When I was growing up, if an adult spoke to me about something I would never have dared to spew out obcenities at them. I may have been thinking it, but I would have slit my throat before actually voicing it.

It’s like the story I read a while back. A woman was in a store and came on a group of young girls (they seem to be the WORST) blocking an aisle. She said “excuse me” a couple times before the girls got annoyed and turned on her creating a scene because she was “bothering” them. She then just turned away and proceeded to finish her shopping. She said for the rest of the time these girls followed her around the store staring, laughing and making comments. They followed her out to her car and stood nearby watching her while she loaded up her purchases. She said she remembers being scared the whole time. Simply because she wanted to go past them and they felt it was appropriate to verbally abuse her and continue to intimidate her. And we are supposed to feel secure about these kids being our future. It’s truly frightening.

I get no comfort from people, only pain.

My big mouth and my temper have gotten me in trouble again at work. Possibly fired this time. Hopefully I’ll find out my fate tomorrow. The deal is this…I am highly frustrated and when I get super stressed I tend to curse. Sometimes a little too loudly. Apparently I did it again the other day and some super sensitive and assinine little shit went and cried to daddy about it. Fucking little pussy. Grow the fuck up I say. But as the boss had previously spoken to me last September about this very issue, he has no choice this time but to take it to HR. I guess if I’m lucky I’ll just get written up. Of course if that happens I know I’ve screwed myself out of the work at home deal…IF they do actually implement it this year. I’ve been waiting 2 years now for it and that is part of my frustration at work. I can’t stand the goings on there. I’m there to work, not socialize and make buddies. They sure better let me know tomorrow and not fuck up my weekend (which is already fucked because they are making us work overtime).

I went through this getting-in-trouble-for-cursing thing back east too. That (and that pesky little knife incident) got me sent for evaluation and counseling. Thank God I quit before they had the satisfaction of firing me.

And yes I do realize the irony of all the cursing I’ve done in this post. Go tell it to the boss, cause I’m not interested.

**Not written by me. Found it on the ‘net.**

she sits in the corner,
bleeding and silent tears roll down her face.
she wants to cry out.
she opens her mouth,
nothing comes out.
this weary soldier must suffer in silence yet again.
no noise can escape her tender lips.
she is hiding from the enemy,
alone in the darkness.
then she realizes,
she has one last option.
to take her own life!
before the god of life can be her salvation.
she pulls out her “survival” knife,
*ironic huh?*
the very knife that has saved her in the past,
will now be her very grim fate,
a fate that we all share.
she puts it to her tender skin,
and makes the line,
the precise cut, one last cut.
darkness now engulfs her.
the demons of hell accept her.
another demonic angel of death.
this soldiers battle has ended.