So I have been out in this barren desert hellhole for six years now and still cannot adjust to the life here. The people, the way of life, the products, the attitudes, the landscape…the general atmosphere is not something I’m able to accept and live with. It’s just not ME. I hate it here with every fiber of my being and do so more and more each day.

Over the past several months I have started dreaming at night of being back east. Every night I find myself back there driving around all the familiar places and revisiting all that I love, feeling safe and comfortable and at home. And it’s all so vivid in my dreams. I can smell the place…in my dreams. When I wake up and realize where I am I cry. This place is just very unfriendly and hostile to me. And yes, I did give it a fair chance when I first got here but IT’S JUST NOT FOR ME. All the bad feelings that are inherent to my personality are magnified now and getting stronger every day. And my control over myself is almost gone and that scares me. I need to be able to hold on until I can escape this nightmare place, it would just help some if I knew WHEN that escape might be possible. It’s the fear that I might be stuck here forever that truly frightens me. I can tell you one thing for sure…if I am indeed stuck here forever then forever will be very short, I’ll see to that, guaranteed.

It just seems as if everything out here is dead. The landscape is brown and dirty, whereas back east you go outside and you see green and life. I just pray that one day I’ll be able to go back.

Everytime I’m out of mom’s sight, she has to come looking for me. And when she finds me she always asks “Where were you?”. That pisses me off more than I can say. It’s a small house and anyone with half a brain that knows me, knows I’m not gonna be out anywhere so…where the fuck do you think I am. Seriously.

So far this year at work we’ve had mandatory overtime more weeks than we haven’t. It looks like 2008 is going to be like 2006 was as far as this is concerned. In 2006 we had mandatory overtime EVERY week for almost the entire year. After a while the one day weekends just aren’t cutting it anymore, ya know? We are tired and they don’t see that and wonder why the stress level is so high. Maybe they’re as stupid as we all apparently are. Granted, the money is good but is a shame that we have to work lots of overtime just to get to a livable wage.

For every person that leaves the company, they hire 1 replacement we’re told. Obviously with how large our backlog is, 1 replacement isn’t enough. Maybe they should hire 2 for every 1 that leaves.

Something has GOT to give.