A friend from work sent me a link to a personality test and I decided to take it for the hell of it. If I wasn’t worried about myself before, this definitely gives me something to think about.

I’m posting the results here because…I can’t think of a good reason not to.

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Very High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

**Not written by me. Found it on the ‘net.**

she sits in the corner,
bleeding and silent tears roll down her face.
she wants to cry out.
she opens her mouth,
nothing comes out.
this weary soldier must suffer in silence yet again.
no noise can escape her tender lips.
she is hiding from the enemy,
alone in the darkness.
then she realizes,
she has one last option.
to take her own life!
before the god of life can be her salvation.
she pulls out her “survival” knife,
*ironic huh?*
the very knife that has saved her in the past,
will now be her very grim fate,
a fate that we all share.
she puts it to her tender skin,
and makes the line,
the precise cut, one last cut.
darkness now engulfs her.
the demons of hell accept her.
another demonic angel of death.
this soldiers battle has ended.

I’m suffocating and really can’t take much more. I’m doing my best to hold on but I’m having a really hard time. The constant sense of “bad” has gotten to be all comsuming. There is no outlet for it anymore and the resulting overload is taking it’s toll. I need some time to break and I’m obviously not going to get it. Otherwise the inevitable downfall will be irreversible I think. Hell the damage already done can’t be undone anymore. I used to want my life back so I could be and maybe enjoy some things again. Now I just want it back so I can be left completely alone. Maybe then the terrible feelings inside can be laid to rest some.

And panic attacks? Try having one and NOT letting anyone know about it, NOT letting it show. Quite the feat I assure you. I’m actually proud of myself for pulling it off though. I deserve an Oscar for it. Or at least a nomination.

“I’ll be there for you as long as it works for me.” Fuck you Trent for writing that line and forcing me to admit a very painful truth.