Our workload has already decreased. We usually have at least a 3 day turn around in work but for the past few weeks we’ve actually been working on the previous day’s stuff which means there isn’t as much work available to us…because they’ve been holding it back to send overseas. So this month should be fun. MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!

I’ve applied for 4 open positions within my company and haven’t heard a peep about it but I HAVE heard of folks in my doomed department getting jobs elsewhere in the company so I can only assume that I am shit out of luck in that area. I’m gonna be unemployed. Okay I can deal with that so let’s just get the show on the road and “git ‘er done!” I can’t say that I’ll miss having to get up every morning and go to a place that is so oppressive that people are dropping like flies…literally. It seems like every time I turn around the ambulance is at the front door of our company hauling another person away.

So that’s the update, I’ll continue this saga when I know more.

Well that crap was bad enough but I also got dinged for my quality being slightly lower that it should but no mention of the fact that I talked to them about that exact issue a few times saying it was because of all the bullshit going on around me. The fact that since I’ve been moved to a different seat my quality is back up above where it should be apparently holds no weight. The final result is that my raise was a paltry sum although according to them it’s not bad considering their high end of raises (for the UNbeautiful people that is) is insulting in itself.

It just angers me that the only thing I ever had which was my work reputation, is gone. I have nothing anymore. Well maybe that’s good because if you have nothing then you lose nothing when the whole fucking show is over. Makes the end easier, no?

So after I got out of work yesterday I had to run down to the reservation (about 5 miles PAST my house) for cigarettes for me and mom and I also had to go to the store for a few things including milk. At about 10:30 am my cell phone rang and it was my sister leaving a voice mail that she was going down to the house and would stop and get us milk thus saving me a trip after work. Now this is a nice gesture in itself and to be fair she at that time was not aware of the other things I needed to get so that meant I STILL had to do all the other running around. Okay fine…whatever.

Then about noon my phone rings again and as I was on a break and saw the call was again from my sister’s cell I answered it thinking that mom had told her about the other things I needed and that they were going to go out (instead of just sitting around the house) and get them for me, something I truly would have appreciated. But in reality’s cruel way it was just mom calling to tell me that after my sister got there she remembered the rest of the list and she was sorry that I still had to run errands and by the way could I add a few things to the list I already had?

The upshot is this…would it have killed my sister to say to mom that they would go and run the errands since neither one of them does anything all day anyway. No it wouldn’t have but still she didn’t want to put herself out, and mom didn’t feel comfortable asking her. That’s a fucking pathetic situation. It would have taken them no time at all whereas I (after working all day) have to fight the afternoon traffic and all the other people who are shopping after work. And I would have been thrilled.

Anyway, that’s it. I just have to hold on to my dream future where I can leave all people behind and just think about myself.

The short version is that I was in my car before work freaking out and trying to blow off some steam before going in for the day. Someone pulled up behind me, leaving their lights on and shining into my mirror and my face. As I was already screaming about my latest drama I (after several minutes of being blinded) turned around and looked. Almost immediately the lights went off but the person stayed in their car for a while. When they finally got out I noticed it was a lead from my department. When she walked through the gate I noticed she specifically looked down the lot towards my car. Right away the panic set in that she heard me and will now go report me and I’ll get hauled in to HR again, possibly getting written up again this time. I went upstairs to start my work but couldn’t stop the tears and the panic. I asked my supervisor to make an appointment for me with the same HR lady I talked to last time.

So I went at the appointed time and explained the situation to her. I told her quite a bit of how things are lately, such as how I no longer will even look at or speak to anyone for fear of inadvertently offending them. I am constantly in fear of something happening. She seemed distressed at this FOR me, not at me and I take this as a good sign. After our talk she took me to a private room so I could calm myself down and told me to take as much time as I needed and to take a break if I needed and not worry about my idle time or production as she would talk to my supervisor and smooth things over. So an hour and 15 minutes and 2 cigarettes later I went back to work, still on the verge of tears but feeling a little better inside knowing that my head wasn’t on the chopping block. I still need to watch myself though and it scares me that my control has slipped yet again.

I guess that wasn’t such a short version. Oh well, sorry. As it’s Friday, I’m off for another day. Hopefully the thoughts of a 3 day weekend will help to keep me calm.

So if the site is down now and again you’ll all know why.

The fates must be smiling down on me this month, I lucked out at work and got to leave an hour early. YAY!

For every person that leaves the company, they hire 1 replacement we’re told. Obviously with how large our backlog is, 1 replacement isn’t enough. Maybe they should hire 2 for every 1 that leaves.

Something has GOT to give.

But least I also got my seat moved. Now anytime I look up I’ll look right out the window to the freedom beyond, and hopefully I will no longer suffer the negative physical effects from all the perfume they seem to love to douse themselves in. And I also found out who tattled on me. Another one of the fucking cunt little girls that seem to think they can have things their way. No legitimate experience with the “real world”. Probably grew up being daddy’s little princess and had everyone catering to them. She basically got herself upset over the fact that I said that she “should sit the fuck down and do some work”. If she hadn’t been standing up chatting to her little girlfriends for most of the day it never would have happened.

Ah well, live and learn. Pray for me please…pray that I can keep myself under control at least for the next 30 days.